So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
3 2 1 whiskey
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
