I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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