You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
