All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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