I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
