why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
