i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
