our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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