how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
