You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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