i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
OPIZZABONMYDICK
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
