My Higher Power is John Stamos
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
