Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
