I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
