How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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