sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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