Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
