It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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