And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
