It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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