Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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