I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
