there was a trapeze. enough said
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
