just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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