i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
