I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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