Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
