she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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