can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
