I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
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By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
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The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again