I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
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I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?