Texts From Last Night

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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"

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  (515): Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?" http://tfl.nu/shhr
  Replies (28) Good night (6376) Bad night (1182)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee

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  (225): Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee http://tfl.nu/zf15
  Replies (29) Good night (5992) Bad night (1324)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?

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  (573): So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number? http://tfl.nu/mc1r
  Replies (16) Good night (910) Bad night (4936)
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  (805): View more from California

  Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"

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  (805): Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever" http://tfl.nu/wsl5
  Replies (41) Good night (8354) Bad night (1556)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight

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  (210): Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight http://tfl.nu/kopz
  Replies (14) Good night (1283) Bad night (4287)
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  (510): View more from California

  I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college

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  (510): I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college http://tfl.nu/imp1
  Replies (22) Good night (1484) Bad night (6018)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon

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  (403): well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon http://tfl.nu/7c63
  Replies (6) Good night (3552) Bad night (1044)
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  (619): View more from California

  on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.

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  (619): on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed. http://tfl.nu/fpfi
  Replies (6) Good night (3163) Bad night (1224)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN

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  (407): HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN http://tfl.nu/nyld
  Replies (15) Good night (7199) Bad night (1210)
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me

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  (551): Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me http://tfl.nu/723s
  Replies (9) Good night (939) Bad night (1747)
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  (310): View more from California

  She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.

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  (310): She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked. http://tfl.nu/yes9
  Replies (13) Good night (5216) Bad night (759)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.

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  (336): Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net. http://tfl.nu/v16i
  Replies (0) Good night (499) Bad night (522)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?

  (972): View more from Texas

  This is why american education is failing

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  (469): Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover? (972): This is why american education is failing http://tfl.nu/dkmi
  Replies (4) Good night (716) Bad night (369)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"

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  (717): I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?" http://tfl.nu/je44
  Replies (4) Good night (944) Bad night (348)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too

  (613): View more from Ontario

  This was before halftime

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME

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  (613): Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too (613): This was before halftime (613): I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME http://tfl.nu/8vn8
  Replies (5) Good night (1200) Bad night (296)

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