I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.