fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.