Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...