There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
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It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
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stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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