She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
