What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He felt like a one man threesome
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
