I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
