dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
