i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
