I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
