I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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