i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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