first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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