Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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