if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
