i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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