i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
