so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
