My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
