were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i think im in europe. pls send help
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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