Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
