good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I will pee on everything he values.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
