I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
