doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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