You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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