i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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