I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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