not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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