There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
