Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
