i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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