8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
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You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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