worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
