I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
