Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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