A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
