the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
