He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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