is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
my nose is crying tears of wow.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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