we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
bring money and cleavage
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
