shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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